Cut down all the trees, screw global warming!

6 Oct

Now I consider myself a pacifist, a woman who loves and appreciates nature but I swear every spring when the pollen dances on the gentle breeze into my world and I turn into a sneezing, swollen faced, itchy eyed, hazy headed medicated to the eyeballs zombie I say to nature, screw you.

I know not exactly ladylike but neither is my red bulbous nose that is sick of tissues that claim to be soft but after the 150th wipe feel more like sandpaper. There is a two week period in every spring when a paper bag over my head would be more appealing than the punch drunk red eye look I stagger around with. One of the things that makes me feel better is the knowledge that I’m not alone, one look around the shopping centre, particularly the chemist, more specifically the shelves where they stock the hayfever cold treatments and that’s where you’ll find them. The glazed, my brain is now controlled by pollen look and you know your not alone in your hatred of blossom, grass, basically nature.

So what’s the solution, drugs? Well it’s where we all turn each year, sufferers whisper amongst themselves about new improved formulas, pills, liquids, sprays and lotions but as the pollen season progresses I like most sufferers start to think that only an exorcism will be the only way to get relief!

But no more, I’m calling on all sniffy, itchy, wheezy sufferers to pick up our whipper snippers and chainsaws and rid this planet of any source of pollen. I know that may not be in the spirit of keeping the planet green but I want to breathe freely through my nose again so I say screw keeping the planet full of foliage, burn it, cut it or just raze it to the ground.

So lets unite in our pollen elimination, just one thing though if you don’t mind starting the process and I’ll just have a lie down with a cold towel and then join you when my eyes stop weeping and my nose stops running like a tap!

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