Stupid Sticker Families

22 Nov

High horse, high horse, I’d like to share something from up here on my high horse. There is a new menace on the road and it is driving me to distraction and nearly driving me into the back of people’s cars.

It’s not a new phenomenon just one that is becoming more common – the personalized car stickers. You know the ones I’m talking about, everyone in the family and I do mean everyone, has their own stickers plastered all over the rear window. For the most part I’ve never met most of you sticker families but it now seems I need to know each member of your family including the cat, the dog and the fish. Oh, also just in case I’m a complete moron they have included a “My Family” sticker on the top. Who the hell else would it be?

Gone are the days when a baby on board sign was enough. Remember other classics like Mum’s taxi and My other car is a Porsche they’re rarely seen nowadays but at least they attempted some form of humour!

No, these stickers plastered on the rear window, are like some weird tribal tattoo. It’s always displayed on the rear window so it can’t be there for their viewing pleasure. It’s purpose must be some kind of declaration of their breeding capacity. If you get stuck behind a minivan or people mover with these stickers you’ll realize these people can breed, I mean look at their stickers they can take up the whole rear window!

Somedays you’ll find yourself stuck behind a car with one of these sticker displays on the long commute to work. I guarantee you by the time you arrive you will feel like you know the family. Sure you won’t know what they’re names but you’ll know Dad obviously has nothing else to do but BBQ, Mum is a busy business woman, older son is obsessed with his computer, middle girl child is a ballerina and young boy child is a soccer player. I thought one of the big no-no’s of parenting is projecting your ideals onto your children. Well these people have projected big time, they have typecast their kids in some role and then plastered it all over their rear window for all the world to see!

Has anyone considered the easily distracted, inquisitive minds like mine who after staring at these stickers start making up back stories for these families. Is Dad obsessed with the BBQ because he has been disempowered by his high powered wife? Is this oldest son escaping into his computer to seek out the attention he is missing out from his absent mother and disenchanted father? Has little miss middle child resorted to being a perfect prima ballerina in the hope that by being perfect herself she will be able to put this fractured family back together again? I can only imagine that younger soccer playing son is trying to bring back some happiness into his father’s world by trying to live out his long lost soccer dream!

Am I reading too much into it? Of course, but I can’t help it, traffic is only getting worse and these stickers become mesmerizing when you’re directly behind them. I have put way too much thought into whether the sticker that shows one of the kids as an angel is literal or figurative. Tears well when I think that this beautiful sticker family may have lost one of their children and I have to stop myself from pulling up next to them, getting real life mums attention and signing to her my condolences.

Whenever I realize I have spent way too much time thinking about all the members of the sticker family on the car in front I start to become cynical, ok more cynical and I imagine starting up a rival sticker company. I’ll show these happy overachieving in your face stickers. I will offer some more modern alternatives. Overweight Mothers and Fathers, boozing Mums flaked out on the couch, Gambler Dads sitting in front of the pokie machine, pregnant teenager daughter, graffiti artist son. You name it we can customize the stickers to show what your family is really like. Is your mother someone who just likes to yell a lot? We will have the perfect sticker to represent her, her head is huge her mouth wide open and she is so angry she looks like her head is about to start spinning! My rival sticker company will offer a real life alternative, it won’t be pretty but it will be real!!

Until I get that up and running I will just have to be zen about it and look the other way. Of course that would mean I’ll probably crash the car! Maybe I need to get a life or maybe I just need to stop fighting the inevitable and go buy my own sticker family to fill up the rear window on my people mover!

22 Responses to “Stupid Sticker Families”

  1. Lisa November 22, 2012 at 11:13 pm #

    good lord i’m with you, our in-laws have stickers of all the grandchildren that are totally irrelevant now as they have different interests. What do these people do, change their stickers every year, or is quinn destined to be in a superhero cape until he is 18!

    • Ramblings of a Quickwit November 23, 2012 at 1:43 am #

      Good point, the whole thing is a scam! Once I’ve set up a support group for people who sing wrong lyrics to songs I’ll set up another for people traumatised by stupid sticker families!!!

  2. housewifedownunder November 23, 2012 at 5:26 am #

    I hate those sticker families. Granted, they do alert me early on to the fact that it’s a soccer mom driving it and I’ll probably have to pass her. But I see no benefits to the society other than that. It seems like a form of extreme narcissism, not to mention potentially dangerous. A pedophile could see those names on your car at the park, identify your child, and lure him or her away. Children tend to trust adults if the adult seems to know their name. The best stick figure sticker I ever saw was of a guy holding a chainsaw and it said something to the effect of “I just chainsaw massacred your stick figure family.”

    • Ramblings of a Quickwit November 23, 2012 at 6:12 am #

      Someone also told me about one set of stickers that had the father crossed out and position vacant written above it, at least that’s funny, the rest need to go.

  3. replenishforhealth November 23, 2012 at 9:03 am #

    I saw the best response to these sticker people a couple a months ago and still giggle with delight remembering this. I was behind a car with a message showing one solitary sticker woman with the quote “I don’t give a flying f**k who’s in your family”. That’s it ! Right on the Money – I don’t give a flying f**k who is in your family and you obviously have no intelligence to spend money on this environmentally unfriendly piece of plastic crap. Why do you feel the need to share your breeding habits with the rest of the world. Please – Get a Life you little Sticker People Lovers.

  4. livenowandzen November 24, 2012 at 7:07 am #

    Oh, how many times I have let loose with a diatribe about those incredibly annoying and self-important sticker families. Completely with you. I do think, however, that the alternative sticker idea is genius. Can you please come up with one for my 11 year old son who has ADHD and flaps his arms like he’s trying to take flight when he’s excited? And, don’t forget one for my 9 year old son who perpetually has his fingers up his nose, my husband who is one pair of shoes away from being a woman, and my neurotic border collie who licks walls. Mine should be in yoga pants with a martini in one hand and an iPhone in the other. Thanks!

    • Ramblings of a Quickwit November 24, 2012 at 7:26 am #

      It’s on my to do list to get alternate sticker company so …. they’ll be some new annoying thing plastered all over the car window before I get around to it, but glad to know I’m not the only one muttering and cursing the sticker families!!

  5. becomingcliche November 24, 2012 at 9:39 pm #

    You would make a fortune. I would venture out on a Black Friday to bring home a Freak Show sticker set! Currently there is a pet-prejudice which leads me to boycott these stickers. They only offer dogs and cats. I may have seen a guinea pig once, but no snakes or lizards. Sad, sad, sad!

    • Ramblings of a Quickwit November 29, 2012 at 5:36 am #

      If I was smart I would get going on this alternate sticker family, there is obviously a market out there! Not only are normal people underrepresented but also pets.

  6. jennsmidlifecrisis November 27, 2012 at 6:10 pm #

    Do they make any stickers where Mom looks like a supermodel? I might be tempted to put one of those…on Hubby’s car! I’ve often wondered about the stickers that have obviously been removed…or worse, decapitated or missing limbs. Does that mean there’s a mass murdered or a psychotic time-bomb in that family and I’d better not drive too close or run the risk of a very unpleasant end to rush hour??

    • Ramblings of a Quickwit November 29, 2012 at 5:39 am #

      I have no doubt that you are a supermodel but I love that you would put a supermodel car on your hubby’s car. I also don’t get how you’re not allowed to advertise on your windows that your car is for sale, it’s illegal here, but you can put crazy stickers with weird and conflicting messages, if I had any conviction or drive I would so something about it!

      • jennsmidlifecrisis November 29, 2012 at 2:05 pm #

        There’s probably a sticker for that out there somewhere! 🙂

  7. Jodi Lea November 30, 2012 at 2:12 am #

    Thank you for stopping by Not Pretending and signing up for more!
    I think that stickers should stay on bumpers and out of windows. That’s why they are called “Bumper Stickers”.

    • Ramblings of a Quickwit November 30, 2012 at 11:08 am #

      When I saw your blog title I instantly thought we must be related!! Look forward to reading more of your blog.

  8. peachyteachy December 1, 2012 at 3:39 pm #

    I will feel better about this sticker family nonsense when I see my first LGBT crazy cat lady family version. Thanks for checking out and following my blog!

    • Ramblings of a Quickwit December 1, 2012 at 10:18 pm #

      The stickers are way too vanilla, too nice, too arrrghhh. I love the link to the substitute teacher, thought it was hilarious, still having a chuckle over it. You may enjoy my post on Teachers Strike, I try to suggest to our beloved teachers another way to approach their wage dispute!

  9. girlproducer December 1, 2012 at 10:07 pm #

    Love the Freakshow idea as long as you have buried in debt college student, and forever broke spoiled child. That would work for me, lol.

  10. Oh Yes They Did! December 4, 2012 at 12:25 am #

    I think we are going to be blogging buddies! We can start with our mutual hate for sticker families!

    • Ramblings of a Quickwit December 4, 2012 at 12:53 am #

      I think we definitely have a similar sense of humour and I’m glad to know I’m not alone in my loathing of the sticker families, actually I’ve been surprised at how many people also share my loathing!

  11. honeydidyouseethat? December 27, 2012 at 4:39 am #

    Get going with that idea. It will sell. 🙂

  12. Rahburt September 6, 2013 at 7:36 pm #

    HA, here it is

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