When not to bring alcohol

24 Sep

So this is a short tale of how I humiliated myself, something not uncommon in my world.

I took a course in my home town aimed at improving your writing for small or big screen. It was great, learnt lots and was really excited about the other elements of the course one of which is classes with industry professionals. They were brought in to give us an insight into other aspects and to give us a chance to practice our improving skills.

We were all very excited about this particular day, it was with a leading professional and it was pitching. We had been told to submit our one pager and then come prepared to pitch it in front of the class and him. While we weren’t complete novices even for hardened professionals this can be daunting so to give myself the best possible chance I did what came naturally to me.
I’m sure you’re thinking I practiced for hours, retrospectively, yep, that would’ve been the thing to do but I said I did what came naturally. On the way to the class I stopped at the bottle shop and picked up two nice bottles of bubbly. Now I wasn’t being greedy, I figured between the five of us we could have a few sips before the pitch for courage and a lot more after to bask in our glory.

As is also natural for me, I was late. I ran up the stairs, champers bottles in either hand. With hands full I awkwardly opened the door and stumbled forward. The lovely industry professional looked at me, looked at my bottles and asked me to sit down. There was no chance to apologize or explain so I just sat there with two champagne bottles in front of me.

All my classmates pitched their projects professionally but not in the format I had envisioned. The informal and laid back manner in which these pitches were done did not require any dutch courage so I sat like Patsy from Ab Fab with bottles awkwardly front and centre. I spent most of my time deliberating whether I should spend my pitch time explaining why I had thought it necessary to bring alcohol to a classroom.

When it came to my turn I realized I only had a small window of opportunity so I decided to pitch my project not explain the elephant in the room. In my enthusiasm and what he probably thought was my drunken state, I knocked over the bottles twice, lost my train of thought and generally stuffed it up. He was very gracious and encouraging but I swear his gaze went to the bottles every time he stressed how important it was to be ready and professional at all times.

Our industry professional’s time with us was short and swift and I never had a chance to explain the reason I stumbled into his class ready to drink. He thanked us all individually and I had a flash of brilliance where I thought I could hand him a bottle as a thank you but then how would I explain the other bottle. I decided to cut my losses and leave him with god knows what impression of me.

I guess you always hope that you learn something from everything so lessons learnt for me could run along the lines of arrive on time, prepare and don’t rely on things like bubbly. Or if you’re going to bring alcohol into questionable settings, hide it. That’s a lot of things to remember so I’m hoping for something that requires less effort on my part – he doesn’t remember who I am or my perceived drinking problem!!!

3 Responses to “When not to bring alcohol”

  1. James hardy September 24, 2012 at 10:39 am #

    Love it

  2. Pauline Spiby September 24, 2012 at 11:59 am #

    Hilarious!

  3. Mother'O5 September 29, 2012 at 5:39 am #

    Bhahahhaaaaheheeehee!! You are haleri-ass x

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